RvB Season 1 Ep 1: Why are we here?
by Agent Utah RvB
Summary: Red vs Blue: Season 1 Episode 1: Why are we here?
1. Chapter 1

**RvB Season 1 Ep 1: Why Are We Here?** To See The Theme Song Of RvB Go to my channel.

Simmons: Hey

Grif: Yeah?

Simmons: You ever wonder why we are here?

Grif: It's one of life's great mysteries, Isn't it? Why are we here? I mean.. Are we the product of some.. Cosmic coincidence? or.. Is there really a god, Watching everything? You know, With a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, But it keeps me up at night.

... They stare at each other for a few seconds...

Simmons: What? I mean, why are we out here? In this canyon?

Grif: Oh, Uhhhh.. Yeah.

Simmons: What was all that stuff about god?

Grif: Uhh, Hm? Nothing.

Simmons: You wanna talk about it?

Grif: No.

Simmons: You sure?

Grif: Yeah.

Simmons: Seriously though, Why are we out here? As far as I can tell, It's just a box canyon in the middle of no where. No way in or out.

Grif: Uh-huh.

Simmons: The only reason we are here is because they have a blue base over there.

Simmons points to the blue base

Simmons: And the reason they have a blue base over there, Is because we have a red base over here.

Grif: Yeah, That's because we are fighting each other.

Simmons: No no, Even if we were to pull out today, And they would of taken our base, They would have two bases in a box canyon. Woop de fucking doo.

Grif: What's up with that anyway? I signed on to fight some aliens, The next thing I know is that Master Chief blows up the covenant armada, And I'm stuck in the middle of no where, Fighting a bunch of blue guys.

-To the Blue Team that are stalking Simmons and Grif-

Tucker: What are they doing?

Church: What?

Tucker: I said, What are they doing now?

Church: God damn, I am getting so sick of answering that question!

Tucker: You have the Rifle! I can't see fucking shit. So don't bitch at me, I'm not going to sit here and play with my dick.

Church: Okay, They are just standing there, And talking. That's all their doing. That's all they'll ever do. Is just stand there, And talk. That's what they were doing last week, That's what they were doing 5 minutes ago. So 5 minutes from now, When you ask me, 'What are they doing' My answers gonna be, Their still talking. And they are still just standing there.

...

Tucker: What are they talking about?

Church: You know what? I fucking hate you.

-back at the reds-

Grif: Talk about waste of resources, I mean, We should be out there, Finding new and intelligent forms of life, You know, Fight them.

Simmons: Yeah, No shit. they should've put us in charge.

Sarge: Ladies! Front and center on the double.

Grif: Fuck.

Simmons: Yes Sir!


	2. Why are we here?

RvB Season 1 Ep 2- I Hope You Enjoy!

The reds- Next to their base

Sarge: Hurry up ladies. This ain't no Ice Cream Social.

Simmons: Ice Cream Social?

Sarge: Stop the pillow talk you two. Anyone, Want to guess, Why I gathered you here, Today?

Grif: Uh, Is it because the war's over, and you're sending us home?

Sarge: That's exactly it Private. War's over. We won, Turns out you're the big hero. We're gonna hold a parade in you're honor. I get to drive the float, And Simmons here is in charge, OF THE CONFETTI.

Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm sir.

Sarge: God, Dammit Private! Shut your mouth or I'll have Simmons here slit your throat.

Simmons: I I'd do it too Sir.

Sarge: I know you would, Good man. Couple of things today, Ladies, Command has seemed to increase our Ranks in Blood Gulch Outpost #1.

Grif: Oh Crap, We're getting a rookie.

Sarge: That's right, Dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week, But today, We received the first part of our shipment from Command.

-Simmons and Grif look at each other-

Sarge: Lopez! Bring up the vehicle.

-A brownish color armored Spartan parks the new delivery next to them-

Simmons: Shotgun!

Grif: Shotgun!, Fuck.

Sarge: May I introduce, our new, Light reconnaissance vehicle. It has 4 inch armour plating, Mag Buffer suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, And! Total seating for three. Gentleman! This is the M12LRV!.. I like to call it the warthog.

Simmons: Why Warthog sir?

Sarge: Because M12LRV is too hard to say in conversation, Son.

Grif: No but, Why Warthog? I mean, It doesn't really look like a pig..

Sarge: Say that again?

Grif: I think it looks more like a Puma.

Sarge: What in sam hills is a Puma?

Simmons: Uhh, You mean like the shoe company?

Grif: No, Like like a Puma. Like a cat. Like a Lion.

...

Sarge: You're making that up.

Grif: I'm telling you! It's a real animal!

Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.

Simmons: Yes sir!

-Sarge walks up to the hooks-

Sarge: Look, See these two toe hooks? These look like tusks. And what king of animal, Has tusks?

Grif: A walrus.

Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?

-Over to the Blues that are still stalking them-

Tucker: What is that thing?

-Tucker looks at the Warthog-

Church: I don't know. It looks like they got some kind of car down there. We better get back to base and report it.

Tucker: A car? How come they get a car.

Church: What are you complaining about man? We're about to get a Tank in the very next drop

Tucker: You can't pick up chicks in a tank.

Church: oh you know what, You could bitch about anything, Couldn't you? We're about to get a tank, And you're worried about chicks. What Chicks, Are we gonna pick up, Man? And secondly, How are we gonna pick up chicks, In a car that looks like that?

Tucker: Well what kind oh car is it?

Church: I don't know, I have never seen a car like that ever. It looks like an uhh Like a big cat of some kind.

...

Tucker: What, Like a Puma?

Church: yeah man, There you go.

-Back at the reds-

Sarge: So unless anyone has any more midschool creatures as a name for the new vehicle, We're gonna stick with, The warthog. How about it Grif?

Grif: No sir. No more suggestions.

Sarge: Are you sure? How about Bigfoot?

Grif: It's okay.

Sarge: Unicorn?

Grif: Not really. I'm cool.

Sarge: Santa Claus?

Simmons: Leprechaun?

Grif: Hey, He doesn't need any help, Man.

Sarge: Fenix?

Grif: -Sighs- Oh Christ.

Sarge: Hey Simmons! How about that Mexican Lizard?, Eats all the goats?

Simmons: Uhh, That would be the Chupacabra.

Sarge: Hey Grif! Chupa-thingy! How about that? I like it! Got a ring to it!

-The End-

Okay, I hope you enjoyed this Episode, The next one will be out tomorrow.


End file.
